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  Steam seeped out through the crack where the shower door wasn’t fully closed and filled the room, giving their bodies a sheen of moisture. Turned on more than he’d ever been, Ryan ran his hands up and down Lee’s back, his fingers slipping and sliding as he drew them up to his shoulders. Lee kissed down the column of Ryan’s neck, his hair brushing Ryan’s cheek, his thumbs easing inside his jogging bottoms. Lee pushed them down, and Ryan shimmied until they dropped around his ankles. Finding Lee’s lips again, Ryan kissed him hard and fast, stepping out of his joggers and pushing them aside with one foot. Both free of clothing, Ryan raised one arm and opened the shower door, then placed his hands on Lee’s chest to push him backward into the shower.

  Inside, water pummelling their heads, steam making it hard to breathe when breaths were already fast and tight, Ryan wrenched his mouth from Lee’s and stood staring at him, drinking him in like it was the last time he’d ever see him. Lee’s hair stuck to his head and cheeks, drenched locks dripping water down his face. His beautiful eyes expressed so much love Ryan’s chest hurt with the build up of emotion.

  The urge to have Lee inside his ass gripped Ryan again, and he reached up for the shower gel, hanging from a hook on the tiled wall behind them. He handed it to Lee, determined to take control. If he didn’t, if he appeared unsure, Lee wouldn’t entertain it.

  “Soap your cock,” Ryan said, his voice commanding.

  Lee’s eyes widened as he took the gel, his hand shaking a little. “You sure? I mean, we haven’t done this… I don’t know what—”

  “We need to learn, man. Soap your cock. Come on. Let me see you touching yourself.”

  Lee bent his head and squirted gel into his palm. He smoothed the liquid over his shaft, the gel’s thick consistency turning white the more Lee rubbed. He hand-fucked himself, the sight too damn erotic. Ryan didn’t want to turn away but had to if he was to get what he wanted. He manoeuvred around, bending at the waist and planting his palms on the tile. There was just enough room for Lee to stand behind him, and once he pushed inside…

  “Hurry, man,” Ryan said, the excitement getting to him. He wanted to come already, to shoot his damn load against the tile. To experience it all now, now, now.

  “We can’t hurry. Might hurt. I don’t want—”

  “I don’t mean like that. I mean… Fuck, just soap my arse.”

  A few seconds passed. The wait stretched out. The shower gel bottle dropped to the tray. Then Lee’s fingers roved up and down Ryan’s ass cleft, the soapy feel of them damn good on his skin. He spread his legs as much as he could in the confined space, jutting his ass out to give Lee better access. Lee’s finger circled Ryan’s hole, slipped inside, and he pushed it in and out, slowly getting Ryan ready for what was to come. Ryan gritted his teeth, anticipating the sting and burn when Lee’s cock took his finger’s place. Could he handle it? Would he like it?

  Oh God, I fucking want him.

  “Now. Try it now,” Ryan said, itching to take his own cock in hand and fist himself to completion. He held back, pressed his hands tighter to the tiles, wanting to wait, to push himself until he had no choice but to make himself come. To test himself, find his limit.

  Lee’s cock tip glided up and down Ryan’s shaft, his finger working to loosen his anal shaft. They’d done that before, but it felt all the sweeter knowing they were taking the next step. Tip stilled at Ryan’s pucker, Lee gripped Ryan’s waist with one hand and gently eased his finger out then pushed against the hole with his cock.

  The wider intrusion, just the very tip, burned like hell, but at the same time fuelled Ryan’s desire. He knew it would hurt, but if they took it slow, if Lee was gentle…

  Fuck, I’m going to come already.

  Ryan palmed his cock and squeezed the tip, teeth gritted and mind trying not to focus on what Lee was doing. Lee pushed in a little further, the stretch making Ryan want to keen. A raging heat spread in his ass, and Ryan longed to jerk back and be done with the slow torture. He tested how it felt, pushing back just a bit, but it hurt too much.

  “We have to take it slow, man,” Lee said, his voice sounding strangled. “If we don’t… I’m gonna come…too fast. I’m close.”

  “Me too. Fuck!”

  Ryan’s balls ached, the pulse in them matching the beat of his heart, and he closed his eyes. Lee eased in some more, his fingers biting into Ryan’s waist. The burn continued, grew in intensity, and Ryan groaned, squeezed his cock tip harder. And then Lee slid inside more easily, halfway in, and stopped, giving Ryan time to grow accustomed.

  “Fuck!” Ryan panted, opened his eyes to grey steam and condensation dribbling down the tile. “More. It’s okay. A bit more.”

  Lee obliged, his length fitting inside Ryan after a long, slow pressure. The pain as his ass accommodated the intrusion had Ryan gasping.

  “I’ll hold still before I try…” Lee’s pants filled the stall. “Shit, man. This is so tight. So fucking tight. I might not last…much…longer.”

  “Then fuck my arse. Just do it.”

  Ryan curled his hand around his cock and began an easy rhythm, knowing if he jerked too quickly it would be all over in seconds. Lee pulled out then shunted back in. God, that pain was wicked yet so sweet at the same time.

  “Good. That’s damn fucking good,” Ryan breathed. “Faster.”

  “You like that? Does it feel good?”

  “Fuck, yeah. So good. Too good. Waited…so long.”

  “Oh, fuck. I’m too close. I’m gonna—”

  “Just…faster. Doesn’t matter about coming… too quickly. I’m—”

  Lee sliding in and out stole Ryan’s ability to speak. He felt so full down there, Lee’s cock gliding against his inner nub sending him half crazy with desire. Ryan worked his cock, daring to push back, wanting the whole of Lee inside him, wanting to feel full to bursting. Lee’s movements increased speed—still not too fast but enough to make a significant difference—and Ryan couldn’t hold off any longer. He moved his hand up and down, fist tight, so damn tight, and waited for the explosion.

  “Shit, man. I’m coming,” Lee said, gripping Ryan’s waist with both hands and pulling him into his body each time he pushed his cock inside. “Jesus…Jesus fucking Christ!”

  Wet heat filled Ryan’s ass, gave Lee’s movements a freer glide, and Ryan was undone. He came with a cry that echoed in the stall, bunching his toes and throwing his head back to grind out alien sounds he’d never made before. Faster, faster, he pumped himself, his ejaculation forcing his cock hole wide. Balls heavy and aching, ass filled so much he couldn’t breathe, Ryan closed his eyes, silver specks dancing beneath the lids. Lee’s grunts and moans brought on another rush of lust, and Ryan spurted again and again, watching his cum shoot out and slap against the tile. Lee moved one hand up to Ryan’s shoulder and he continued to pump, emptying himself into Ryan with short, jerky thrusts.

  God, this was better than Ryan had imagined, and he wished they’d tried it sooner. He smiled, and that smile turned into a laugh as Ryan slowed on his cock and Lee slowed inside him. Both still, both catching their breaths, they remained in their position until Lee began to soften. He pulled out, leaving Ryan feeling so open back there he thought his asshole would never close. It did, but slowly, and as Ryan straightened, turning to face Lee, he wondered if he’d ever walk normally again. But it was all good. If he walked like a cowboy from now, so be it.

  The thought made him laugh, and he stooped down to pick up the shower gel. Filling his palm with the liquid, he soaped Lee’s chest, his sides, his cock. As they kissed, Lee smoothed his hands up his own chest, gathering lather, and washed Ryan’s back. The water cascaded over both their heads, sliding down their faces. Lips wet and slippery, their kiss deepened, and the love Ryan had for Lee grew. Something he hadn’t thought was possible. He’d loved him beyond measure before, but this coupling, this new plane they were on brought a deeper love that eclipsed the other. Ryan’s heart ached with the intensity of it, his limbs weakening, h
is eyes burning.

  A low whimper left Ryan, and Lee pulled back, an anxious look in his eyes.

  “You all right? Was it okay? Did I hurt you?”

  “You did good. It was…yeah, it hurts, I won’t lie, but it’s a good hurt, you know?”

  “Okay. So long as you’re okay.”

  Ryan brushed his lips against Lee’s before putting one cheek to his lover’s chest and holding him close. The water warmed him right along with Lee’s body heat, and Ryan had never felt so complete. Oh, he thought he’d been complete before, didn’t think they could ever best the bond they already had, but shit, the threads that held them together strengthened with every passing day. With every new thing that came their way.

  Lee shivered, and with regret, Ryan released his hold and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and held it out for Lee, who joined him outside the stall, draping it around his shoulders. Ryan took another towel from the rail and did the same, pressing against his lover to help dry him.

  Their slow explorations gave Ryan the sense that despite what he’d thought before, about how their love couldn’t get any stronger, it was always growing. He tried to imagine what it would be like in a year’s time, when it had burgeoned further. And it would, of that he had no doubt.

  Jesus. It’s amazing. Fucking amazing.

  Once dry, Ryan slipped on his joggers and handed Lee his clothes. He watched him dress, stepping forward to do up the shirt buttons. Looking at Lee, he couldn’t help smiling madly at the fact he was so fucking happy he could burst.

  “Reckon we ought to think about leaving, yeah?” Ryan said. But I don’t want to. Could stay here forever.

  “Yeah, though I don’t want to go. I could stay here for another week and just keep fucking your arse.”

  “Ah, ever the charmer.” Ryan chuckled. He knew exactly what Lee meant. They had new avenues to explore, and like the first time with anything, he longed to keep at it until the novelty wore off. If it ever would. I hope it doesn’t. Hope we never tire of one another like that.

  “You know me,” Lee said, swinging open the bathroom door and walking into the bedroom. “Charming as fuck, I am.”

  Ryan chuckled, followed him, and looked around the room. They’d hardly been tidy, so they had a bit to do before they could go home. “Shit, we’re messy bastards.”

  SHIMMER

  ~

  Chapter Four - Ryan

  It was time to leave. Yeah, they could stay a while longer—Lee didn’t have to return to work for another two weeks—but Ryan ought to be getting back into the swing of things. Their boss was expecting him Wednesday morning, which gave him another day off at home tomorrow. Plenty of time to settle back in. It felt like they hadn’t been at the Biddingford cabin in ages, what with this long weekend away and Lee being in hospital for two weeks before that. Christ, only a fortnight, yet it felt like months had passed since Greg had shot Lee. And it would be months before the trial began, before they were needed to give evidence. They’d give it too. No fucking way were they going to let those bastards get away with their shit.

  Ryan studied Lee, who tossed a sweater into their holdall and zipped the bag up. They’d be all right, wouldn’t they?

  “We’d best be off then,” Ryan said, taking the bag by the handles and hauling it onto his back. “Reckon we’ll be home in time for a late dinner. Could stop off before we head into Biddingford, if you like? Get an Indian or Chinese.”

  “Take away or eat in?” Lee asked, checking the room for anything they might have left behind.

  “Whatever you like.” Ryan opened the door and stepped onto the landing, wincing just a little bit at the burn of his ass. Christ. He couldn’t believe they’d finally done it. Gone over the line and taken their sex life to a whole new level. He looked forward to further exploration on the many nights they’d share for the rest of their lives.

  Lee followed him out of the room, a cheeky grin spreading. “How’s your arse?” he whispered.

  Ryan laughed and adjusted the bag into a more comfortable position. “Shit. There’s that romance talk again. You’re just too damn soppy.”

  “I try my best. So, how is it?” He eyed Ryan with concern.

  “It’s all right. I’ll get used to it.” He closed the door. “As will you.”

  “Yeah. Maybe.”

  “D’you think you’ll like it?” Ryan put his hand on Lee’s shoulder, wanting to tell him if he didn’t feel ready then that was okay. “Want it, even?”

  “I want it, yeah. Just a bit nervous that’s all.” He glanced around the landing. “Fuck’s sake, man. Let’s talk about this somewhere more private, yeah?”

  Ryan nodded and took the stairs, the bag bumping against the bottom of his back. He strode into the reception area and waited while Lee signed them out. Despite Harry fucking up their weekend—and fucking up was an understatement—it’d been a nice break. With Lee stuck in hospital and Ryan limited to only seeing him during visiting hours, here they’d been able to spend some much-needed time alone. He watched Lee sign the register, the receptionist handing him some change, and turned to walk out the main doors. A weak sun fought to warm his face, and he lifted his chin, breathing in the fresh air and hoping their future wasn’t as bleak as the grey sky.

  Stop thinking like that. It’ll be fine, and if it isn’t, we’ll get through.

  Lee came up beside him, elbow-jabbing him in the ribs. “Come on, mate. Time to get our arses back home.” He started walking down the gravelled path then turned. “You driving, or do you want me to?”

  “I’ll do it.” Ryan followed him around back to the car park. “You can start driving and stuff like that once you go back to work. If the hospital’s advised another two weeks off work, then I reckon you need the time to rest up. Get better properly.”

  “I’m fine,” Lee said, reaching the car and standing beside the passenger door. He ran one hand through his hair, and Ryan wished they could check in again and go back in the shower. “The wound’s healed.”

  “Yeah.” Ryan unlocked the car and dumped the bag on the back seat. “On the outside. No one knows what’s going on inside.” He meant more than just the wound, and as he got into the driver’s seat, he wondered whether Lee was going to open up about his time at the lighthouse. About everything.

  Lee sat beside him and buckled up. “All right. Whatever you say.”

  He smiled across at Ryan, the dimple in his cheek too fucking cute.

  “Yep, whatever I say.” Ryan started the car and eased out of the car park, onto the road that led to the village. As they sped along, he said casually, “So, you got anything you need to talk about?” He kept his gaze on the road and gripped the wheel tight while he awaited the usual negative answer, that no, he didn’t have anything to say at all.

  “I do, but I don’t know if you want to hear all my shit.” Lee sniffed, rubbed the end of his nose.

  “I do, which is why I asked, man. Come on. Out with it. We both need to learn to talk things through, don’t we? No point both of us locking shit inside, is there?” Ryan drove through the village, holding back a shudder as they went past the stretch of beach where Harry had threatened him with a gun. The images of that incident flicked through his mind. If Lee had been in that newsagent’s queue a little longer…

  Shit. I’ve got to get over this. He didn’t shoot me. I’m okay.

  “All right,” Lee said, snapping Ryan’s attention back to the present. “If I bore you, yawn yeah?”

  Ryan nodded and waited for the words he knew Lee needed to say. It had been obvious for a long time that Lee had held too much emotion inside. Everything from his childhood, him leaving town and living in Biddingford for a couple of years by himself. Then his old dear’s death, the funeral, the shooting. Fuck, when Ryan thought about it like this, he realised they’d been through so much together already. Enough grief to fill a lifetime.

  They’d talked in snippets, but wouldn’t an honest-to-God unleashing of emotions serv
e them better? It was a difficult one to call. Sometimes holding shit in worked. But Lee had too much shit, and that amount of sorrow couldn’t be good for anyone.

  “There was this old bloke at the lighthouse.” Lee smoothed his hands up and down his thighs, gripping them just above the knees until his knuckles turned white. “He…uh, he came out to speak to me. Like he knew I needed some perspective.” He paused, then, “I know I’ve got it worse than some, but there are others who have it worse than me. Than us. Much worse. That’s what he was telling me, with his story.”

  “What did he tell you?” Keep going, mate. Let it all out.

  “He was old, yeah? About eighty-odd. Told me he’d fought in the war, seen people killed. Like old people do. I thought he was going to ramble on and on, telling me I didn’t know which side my bread was buttered on and all that crap. But he didn’t. Not in so many words anyway.” Lee raised his hands and palmed his face. “When he got home from the war, he married, had a kid.”

  “And?”

  “And someone killed them.”

  “What? Fucking hell!” Ryan’s hands slipped on the steering wheel, and he scrambled to stop the car sliding into the opposite lane. Catastrophe diverted, he glanced at Lee, who nodded, his head looking heavy, like it held too much information.

  “Yeah. Mental, isn’t it? Like, who the fuck would expect that? I didn’t. When he told me, I didn’t know that the fuck to say.”